..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
