He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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