She said her name was "party"
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
