life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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