Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
