I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
