yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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