erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize