I love how my cats smell like pot.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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