Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
