When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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