I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
