Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You smell like stripper and shame
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
