Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
