sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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