This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
