About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
