R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Houston, we have a squirter
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
