im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
