Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
