Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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