I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
