well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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