I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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