I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
