I hope mine doesn't look like that
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
