You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
