yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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