its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize