I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
