Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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