six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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