I think im going to throw up on grandma
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
