you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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