if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Who did Billy Mays play for?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
