new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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