i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Dicks are not precious.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
