I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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