I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
