At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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