you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
