The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
