Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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