i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I am one with the molecules
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
