Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
