I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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