the condom got lost in my hair
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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