Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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