she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
