I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My vagina is officially offended.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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