great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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