I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
