im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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