Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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