If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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