The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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