if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
two words: eviction party
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
