awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize