my vag is so smooth its legendary
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
