so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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