I'm drive I can fine osifer
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Randomize
