He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
