Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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