I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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