Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
