I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Randomize