I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
