It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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