is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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