I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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