I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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