I cannot find my penis.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
