if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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