I just saw a hot homeless man
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
We need to rekindle our bromance
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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