i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
