At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just forgot I was standing up.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
