youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
