I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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