He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
