sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
