I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
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