sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
