Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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