Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
