I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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