my mouth tastes like poor choices
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
