she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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