Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
