Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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