Whod you bang
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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