He passed out mid-signature
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
