i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
