Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
