I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
