I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
