He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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