I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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