eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
