He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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