Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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