I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
