I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
