My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize